Why Can't I Let Things Go....

Even though I'd like to think that I'm doing relatively well, I have never been able to get away from my impulsive thoughts and actions. I have been able to tamp down the intensity of the impulses, but have never been able to get away from them fully. 

I have so many feelings from the situation in the fall that remain unspoken. I am finding it harder and harder to walk away from a situation which has the potential to allow me to let those feelings out. I am also finding I have more impulses to try to pull someone into some sort of confrontation so that I can finally release. 

I am finally on speaking terms with that guy and now all I see myself doing is setting myself up for a break down between us if I finally get out the feelings I have raging inside my brain. 

This isn't the only type of situation I find myself in which I can't keep my impulses in check. 

I need to find another way in which to let my pent up emotions go in a safe and productive manner, instead of letting them bounce around my brain until they cause breakdowns in my relationships. 



UPDATE: Completely cut ties. Never have any intention of contacting him or responding to any attempts at contact again. 

Jelly Bean and Noel

 

Cuddling with momma

So these lovely ladies are my two pet rats. I know, weird, right?

Probably seems weird but I LOVE having them. Rats actually make amazing pets.

The grey one is Jelly Bean (named by my students last year) and the black/ white one is Holly.

Jelly Bean is a Dumbo rat. She has these adorable big ears that sit on the side of her flat head. It makes her look laid back and happy all the time. She is also a super fatty so its the best when she just curls up into a big fat ball on your lap. Of the two of them, Jelly Bean is definitely the cuddler. She loves being pet and will flip on her back for a good belly rub. She will almost go comatose if you start petting her with a small hairbrush. Loves it!

I've had Jelly Bean for about a year and a half already. Unfortunately, rats have a short life span so she is already middle aged. Since they only live till 3, 3 1/2 years,  I figure I should spoil them as much as I can while i have them. 

Holly is the baby. She is about 6 months old. She is a hooded rat, part of the "fancy rat" group. I got her on a whim after a happy hour one day after a hard week of work. :-) She was so tiny!!! And super crazy. She still is the crazy one. Constantly running around, causing mischief. I literally just caught her stealing a votive candle from one of my candle holders and hopping across the floor with it in her mouth. Just like Jelly's ears give her a certain (and fitting) look, Holly's ears sit higher on her head, making her look super curious about everything which completely matches her personality. 

So I got Jelly Bean with the intent on making her a class pet but when I first got her she was so hyper, I thought it would not be a good idea to take her to school. I thought she was crazy and that was how she would be as an adult. Then Holly joined our family. She was just as crazy as JB was when she was a puppy. It's funny to watch them together now. It took a while for them to be able to live in the same cage (which is always preferable as rats are very social and loooooovvvvveeee being with other rats and people). Now, its clear they love each other but Holly overruns JB all the time. JB will be sitting there on the couch and Holly runs and tackles her. At first I was nervous about this interaction but then after a few squeaks, Holly just starts giving her sister a bath. It's pretty adorable.  

I should probably not add any more to the family but I'm not sure I can help myself. Since cats and most dogs are not an option, rats are a great way to keep a fuzzy loving animal in the house.